I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
