who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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