My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
