Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
