My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i love accidental penises.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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