I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
