its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
