I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
