Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i believe in u and ur pee
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
