i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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