My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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