I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize