We're facebook friends in real life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
