Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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