Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
