What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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