Redeem this text for a blowjob
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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