Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
