tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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