my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize