I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
