Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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