oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
