How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
