Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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