if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is my gift to your gina
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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