ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
