I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
