I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
