My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
