this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found your dick twin last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
