I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
