dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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