I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
