i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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