never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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