I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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