It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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