im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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