I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize