i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude i'm inner monologue high
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
