Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
