My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
