Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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