I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
