If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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