part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
