I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
