He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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