Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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