Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
