Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
