gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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