well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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