you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
