im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
