Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
