Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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