I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
