my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When are your genitals available?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
