Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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