god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
