everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize