Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
