Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
