defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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