forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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