HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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