help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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