After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
