Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
