At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
