I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
